Living With An Invisible Illness

While from the outside I may seem normal,
It’s the part that you can’t see,
The constant pain and struggles within,
Are ever so apparent to me.
~
Although I may wear a smile,
Often times it's covering the tears,
Yet not tears because of sadness,
As it often may appear.
~
Don’t be too quick to judge though,
Because there is so much more than is known,
What may seem to look like one thing,
Just might turn to prove so wrong.
~
I may sometimes seem unfriendly,
Or too centered around self,
Because sometimes standing takes all I’ve got,
And there is just no energy left.
~
Sometimes my words may sound awkward,
My communication may not always convey,
My true inner thoughts and feelings,
Aren’t always expressed by what I say.
~
You may think that I’m not really listening,
Sometimes my face or speech may not show,
But I do hear every word you say,
I really want you to know.
~
The information doesn’t always process,
As quickly and as clear,
And sometimes it takes me longer,
To interpret what I hear.
~
I possibly miss many opportunities,
To offer needed love or support,
Because sometimes it just takes to long,
For my thoughts and words to sort.
~
So if my actions seem inappropriate,
In the things I say or do,
I hope that you can understand,
That it is not because of you.
~
There are times I get discouraged,
When forced to accept my inability--
It’s hard to admit my limitations,
And it leaves me feeling so guilty.
~
Yet every moment is a reminder
As I look all around,
The effort it takes just to get through the day,
Just picking my feet up off the ground.
~
I am not looking to find pity,
I am just attempting to explain,
That the person that you may often see,
And the real me aren’t exactly the same.
~
You may not see the peace and joy,
When you look upon my face,
But I know that each day I live,
Is because of God’s amazing grace.
~
It is hard to always be cheerful,
When the pain is so very real,
And not everyone can comprehend,
The extend of how I feel.
~
I don’t see it as all bad though,
Although I’d much rather it not be so,
But I know that if I must endure,
God will strengthen me as I go.
~
It may seem as if I take no pride
In the way that I look or dress,
However, there might be much more going on,
Inside of the big mess.
~
My home may not be nice and neat,
My bed not always made,
The laundry may not all be done,
And often it makes me ashamed.
~
But I must only do what I am able,
Each day I have to choose,
What is most important right then,
And the tasks I am able to lose.
~
All the plans and dreams I once held,
Now don’t seem quite so clear,
Yet I feel a peace within,
As my Lord keeps drawing me near.
~
To have a chronic illness,
Or a disability that one must bear,
Somehow puts life into perspective,
And helps to make us more aware.
~
I realize now that each day I live,
Is a gift from God above,
It is hard not to lean on Him,
Or to look to His great love.
~
I now can fully understand,
On my own, there is nothing I can do,
It is only be faith and prayer,
That I can make it through.
~
It may seem an exaggeration,
No one can always feel so bad,
But only those who have walked in these shoes,
Can appreciate the battles that I have had.
~
I see so many people less fortunate than me,
Don’t have to look very far,
There are so many suffering all around,
It doesn’t matter who you are.
~
Circumstances and illnesses can hit unexpectedly,
And you can never really be prepared,
It may be difficult to understand,
Leaving you vulnerable and feeling scared.
~
I must constantly guard my thoughts and mind,
As Satan always tries to bring me down,
He wants me to feel hopeless and unworthy,
And turn my smile into a frown.
~
It is hard not to get depressed,
When I see the burden my family must bare,
The fact I cannot always meet their needs,
No one could be more aware.
~
There are times I feel like giving up,
When I look too far ahead,
But I know if my loved ones were given the choice,
They would just choose to have me here instead.
~
There are so many ups and downs,
New challenges each day,
I must strive to keep my eyes on God,
So that I be not led astray.
~
It would be so difficult to cope,
Without God, my hope would all be gone,
Because through submitting to Him in prayer,
Is when my weaknesses are made strong.
~
So when you see the way I look,
When my insecurities are in view,
Base who I am on what’s inside,
Not by the things that I can do.
~
The greatest lesson that I have ever learned,
Is the reason that I am here on earth,
Is not to live for self and gain,
For in these things are not my worth.
~
God has a purpose for my life,
Although the details I may not see,
He still has it under control,
And is continually watching over me.
~
Maybe one day I will be well,
And my health He will restore,
But if that is not in God’s will,
I will still praise Him ever more.
~
If this suffering can bring honor to Him,
I will gladly accept the call,
Because of His great love for me,
He suffered and gave His all.
~
I have to believe that what I am going through now,
Will somehow work together for good,
And one day it will be revealed,
And all things will be understood.
~
While I still worry about what you think,
More the example that I may show,
I am learning so much more each day,
And this has really helped me to grow.
~
By: Mary Hastings, Written May 2003
******
Remember: Pain Sufferers Speak's Global Community respects all religions, faiths, and beliefs. 

This was shared on Pain Sufferers Speak's Support Family Group on Facebook by Auntie Stacey Bryce . We have 345 members in our private community and if you wish to join, just send a request to my email or facebook. 

 http://www.facebook.com/painsufferersspeak

painsufferersspeak@hotmail.com

Love to all my Pain Brothers & Pain Sisters All over the world!!
Liz : )