Introducing (and finally going public) Pain Sufferers Speak RAW

Right now you are reading this post on Pain Sufferers Speak's Main Blog For Everyone.

***Now I want to introduce our global community's 2nd Blog for ADULTS ONLY called Pain Sufferers Speak RAW!***

Warning: Some Profanity and Adult Content and Gritty Daily Reality Guaranteed!!

Here is the description for the Blog:
"Unplugged and unsensored. I am gonna cuss, rant, discuss my views on controversial topics, shower chair antics, wheelchairs I wish to leave behind, poop talk, piss, puke, unhealthy relationships in my past. Gonna be a wild RAW unsensored Ride for Pain Sufferers Speak. Still intend to respect privacy, and basic ethics of course.  No lies of omission here 100% Unsensored. This is the REAL WORLD so if you want the REAL DEAL subscribe to my RSS Feed and pull up your big boy pants or big girl panties--This blogs for you! Willing to share only because I refuse to accept that I am the only one this stuff happens to.  Love to have your input, thoughts, comments, questions or snide remarks anytime!"

So come join me for an unsensored ride through life with chronic pain and illness. Its gonna be a bumpy fun ride, Pain Brothers and Pain Sisters!!

Click the link below to go directly to Pain Sufferers Speak RAW "Adults Only" Blog
http://painspeaks.tumblr.com/
The "Multi Elements" to Pain Sufferers Speak's Global Community are: 1) our Main Blog--Pain Sufferers Speak; 2) our "For Adults Only" Blog--Pain Sufferers Speak RAW; 3) Facebook Community Page with over 50 Showcase topics loaded with FREE INFO; 4) Twitter as @painspeaks; 5) our EXCLUSIVE "Members Only Secret Family Support Facebook Group" with 24/7 support for everyone; 6) OPEN GROUP on LinkedIn called Pain Sufferers Speak just for FREE PROMOTION and Expanding Your Professional Network, 7) BranchOut, Facebook's Professional profile builder, 8) Vitality Link profile, 9) We are traded now on Empire Avenue as PAINSPEAKS / Liz Hall, 10) connect.me profile for networking and community growth--We have the rare priviledge of being chosen as a Founding Trust Anchor on their site.

Each part is unique and has different benefits--Join only 1 part OR all---Its up to you!!

Liz : )

People May Scatter, But Hope For Your Future IS A Choice

Wanna figure out who your real friends are? Live in chronic pain or be diagnosed with a chronic illness and people scatter--I know because I have seen it happen in my own life. I am always the strong one to such an extent that a cousin of mine (who I am very close to) actually told me to suck it up at my Grandma's funeral!! She said she couldn't take if I was gonna cry. That was in 2000 and I was not capable of telling her how I really felt about what she said then and I never have, because I know it would change our relationship forever in a negative way. When others don't understand that being strong only hides pain, but it does not erase it. Plus when others don't live with pain, then they tend to judge you and maybe not even believe your pain. This judgment can come from family and friends--When I was recovering from my first back surgery at age 24 not one of my friends came to visit me at first. Finally after 4 weeks my best friend in the world came and gave me a sponge bath and I actually cried--not because it hurt (it did big time) but more because she was the only one. I lost everyone else who I thought were real friends--turns out they were fair weather friends. Only a handful of my relatives visited and a few others sent cards and I come from a huge family!! Now I know who my real friends and family are, and I only count on them. It sucks to be alone in pain. It hurts physically, emotionally and spiritually--it is like a death. Someone finally told me I was mourning the loss of my former healthy self and my career. I think we all do our share of mourning and should give space and time to feel that. We go through the same process--denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance--its the 5 stages of grief. Yes, showing your pain or grief or emotions takes strength and the more you show the stronger you are. That is not to say that if you are not ready for acceptance that you should be stronger--its a process and each stage is necessary and needs and takes time. You must give yourself permission to take the time and feel each stage. Each person takes a different amount of time with each stage--no pressure to rush because then it will only take longer. You must love and accept yourself first (and most importantly) before you will ever get out of the depression phase. That was hardest for me to accept. I didn't want to love the new "broken" me--with degenerative disk disease that has invaded my once healthy and strong back--now 4 disks are herniated and I have neuropathy down both legs with burning pain and numb spots that cause my balance to be off and me to fall occasionally. How could I love that? How could anyone love that? My husband of 18 years answered these questions best when he said, "How could I stop loving you? I commited to 'in sickness and in health' and I meant it. Your disability and failing body took nothing away from my love for you." The reality of his unconditional love brought me back from depression. If he could love me this way, then I had to find a way to love myself. I do love and value myself again, and I hope as you read these words that you have found a way to love yourself, too. Some of you are stronger than me, and will find a way to love yourself without anyone else. You know that your disability, illness, pain or suffering is only a part of you, it is NOT all of you. Your limitations do NOT have to define you or limit your mind......unless you let them. I have found amazing inner strength and inner beauty in everyone who suffers with chronic pain and chronic illness, or lives with any type of disability. My sincere hope is that you can, not only see these traits in yourself, but you can harness them and use them to reach your goals and acheive your dreams. From your goals and dreams, you create hope for the future--which is necessary for us all. Don't let the changes you see in your body stop you from having goals and dreams and hope for the future!!!

Has this happened to you?

Going to the emergency room in the middle of the night is NO FUN for anyone, but so much worse for those of us that suffer with chronic pain or any illness that causes pain. I thought I would pass on one of my ER stories that I will never forget. I was reminded of this story after my fall on July 4, 2011 that took me to the ER to rule out broken bones. On the 4th, I was waiting for over 5 grueling hours, and not one doctor ever asked me what medications I was on or if I needed any pain meds for the plate size bruise on my hip. I did NOT have any broken bones and since I had meds at home, I just blew off their oversight. Unfortunately, nothing has changed since 2006 when my ER trip was again in the middle of the night, but back then I did not have a prescription for muscle relaxers or anti-inflammatories. I was in severe pain from what was determined two weeks later to be 2 additional herniated disks in my back. This second pair of herniated disks led to my degenerative disk disease diagnosis and had me file for disability finally. So it was April 2006, I am in excruciating pain, and was forced to wait almost 3 hours just to be taken back to wait for another hour to finally be seen by a doctor who looked like he could be my kid brother.  He was nice enough until he asked why I couldn't sit down. I told him it was probably another pinched nerve or sciatica cause the pain was running down my legs. Naturally he wanted the back story on how I could possibly try to diagnose myself. I told him about the emergency surgery in 1996 and how my right leg had gone completely numb so surgery was set in 72 hours to prevent me from being in a wheelchair if it was possible. The doc listened and gradually a broad smile came to his face as I was finishing the back story. Now you need to know this little smile really pissed me off. I was in severe pain, talking about other severe pains I had experienced in my life, and this butthead's smile only seemed to be getting bigger and bigger. I finished the story and asked him why he would smile at my pain. With the smile still on his face, he basically said that no matter what I told him he would not help some jumpy drug seeking person who couldn't even sit. I need you to know that I lost it here. I was standing up already while this guy sits comfortably and spins back and forth on his little stool with not a care in the world and obviously never suffered with back pain or scaitica himself.  I stepped towards this guy (not gonna even respect him by calling him a doc now) and told him that if he lived with my pain even one day, it would kill him and he would be glad to be dead and away from this pain. He stood up, and put his head down, and literally covered his genitals with his hands as he took the rest of my tirade. Understand, I did not notice any of his reactions, because I was still going on about how I was the last thing from a drug seeker and the reason I couldn't sit was pinched nerves in my back.  Needlesstosay, those of you who know me, know that being quiet is not in my nature and when I get upset, I just get louder. I never cussed at him, nor threatened him at all, but he took my tirade that way, because he sent hospital security to escort me out. Luckily, Jason could foresee this and had me ready to go and we were already walking out when the security guards walked up. I have never been back to that hospital and I have never missed an opportunity to bad mouth them to anyone who would listen over the years since then. It was in the car on the way home, when Jason (my hubby of 18 yrs) told me about the body language that screamed I was intimidating and threatening even though I was just telling that doc the truth. Its been a source of laughter as time has passed for me and my family. Yes, this story is famous and gets brought up at family gatherings occasionally. I am not proud of the fact that I scared this doc, but I am proud of the fact that he will NEVER forget what its like to accuse someone in pain of being a drugseeker. Who knows if it changed the way he dealt with other patients, but, in my heart, I hope he is still at least slightly afraid of smiling at anyone's pain.  

"No Pain No Gain" from another perspective

"No pain, No Gain" used to be my motto back in Jr high in my teens. I played all sports very competiitively and never considered the long term effects on my body. Understand that sports is not the reason I have degenerative disc disease, but I will always wonder how much my "No Pain No Gain" attitude from back then still affects me today. I wish I had been encouraged to take care and love my body instead of abusing it. At least I can say with pride that I have encouraged both of my kids to think long term always and love their bodies that they were blessed with. I miss sports but not the body abuse side of it. Loving yourself and encouraging your own healthy self esteem is essential to everyone. Give yourself a hug today and love your body for all the things it does right. Living with illness and pain tends to give us all a reason for self loathing and hatred. FIGHT IT!! Because if you change your perspective, and decide to love your self and find the good in yourself then you will bolster not only your body image and self esteem, but you bonus better health, too. "Keep an optimistic outlook--its proven to prevent a host of heart problems. According to a roundup of Harvard researchers a perennially sunny disposition will help you lower your blood pressure, ward off heart disease, heal faster and live longer. Its not just your heart: multiple studies show that a cheerful outlook can ward off other health problems and add years to your life." (quoted from an article in Prevention Magazine, page 124, of the October 2008 edition) For more see prevention.com

A little bit about me.....

I have degenerative disk disease and 4 disks are effected—2 in lumbar/low back, 2 in cervical/upper back & neck. Required 2 back surgeries-1st in 1996 at age 24 when my right leg went completely numb (L5/S1), and 2nd in 2008 when left leg had pinched nerve (L4/L5). Left with neuropathy in both legs and feet which causes balance issues, weakness & falling sometimes. Due to doctor’s recommendation, I have not driven since 2006 and remained mostly homebound to prevent further injuries and keep pain level reasonable. Even though complete disability was recommended in 1996, I did not file for Social Security Disability until 2006 and was not approved until 38 months later in 2009.  After 9 years of endless typing as a paralegal, I also have carpel tunnel in both wrists and arms with moderate nerve damage in both. Occasional panic attacks helped to diagnose PTSD in 2009. My disabilities do NOT define me. They are my life’s challenges and I choose to be positive and thankful. That’s right-Thankful! Without my issues, I would work full time and only get nights and weekends with my husband & 2 children. Instead, I am here every day to make breakfast and eat with all of them. I am here when the kids come home from school, and love helping with homework & school projects.  I make dinner and cook as often as I am able. My husband and I share household chores and responsibilities. Due to my disability, my husband works out of our home and we get quality time together each day.  I have had the time to rediscover my love of writing and make daily connections through Pain Sufferers Speak’s community which is my passion! I love sharing FREE health/wellness information, doing webresearch 5 days a week, helping people to feel less alone in their pain, and encouraging others to share their pain in a healthy way. I feel truly blessed and excited about the future!